Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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