apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he thought i was a dude.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
