"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
