My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She bit a glass in half.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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