his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Never let your siblings swipe right.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize