remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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