If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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