I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
