Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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