I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
