I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
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I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
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What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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