You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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