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• (760): View more from California

  Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.

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• (858): View more from California

  she takes plan B like it's going out of style

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension

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• (516): View more from New York

  YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?

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• (+81): View more from

  I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.

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