dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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