you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
