I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again