Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say