It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.