She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole