Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
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Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
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Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say