my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk