and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
