Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
