Can i not drive my cunt home
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
