the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
