don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize