there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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