why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Vodka?
Forever.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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