So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
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