Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
