I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You can't motorboat a personality
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
