so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I touched a dick in church today
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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