you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
