So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
