he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
