You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
