Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
