I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Randomize
