ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
