like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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