watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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