it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
