How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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