You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
