nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
