just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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