The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
