You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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