Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
