Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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