so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
