I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
