I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
