she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
