someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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