There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
