people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
