new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
