I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
