i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
4 words: hood of his car
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
