I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
