so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
