Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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