Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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