Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize