McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
