Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
