i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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